Triple Whammy

mongoliantiger:

Charles: How was the mission, sir? Are your hands okay?

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Haytham: Things became rather messy. Went well though.

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Charles: Well you deserve a break sir. Here’s some sandwiches for lunch.

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Haytham: Thank you, Charles.

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Connor: Father…

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Connor: Looks like a pile of dead bodies had been gathered at the docks.

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Connor: No one has seen the murderer. But I saw you. I guess…

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Connor: You could say you got caught red handed.

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Connor: Owww.

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Connor: You just gave me a…

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Connor: Knuckle Sandwich.

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Ziio: How could this happen… What are you doing?

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Haytham: Lighting a bomb…

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Ziio: HAYTHAM NO!

wisped:

wisped:

What do you call someone who is obsessed with the moon

a lunatic

sadnessandpuns:

On my tombstone please write “Not appreciating my puns when I was alive was a grave mistake”

stingdragon:

fartgallery:

ACTIVATING DEATH RAY

You death will be quick and pineless

stingdragon:

fartgallery:

ACTIVATING DEATH RAY

You death will be quick and pineless

trash-king:

meaniemikan:

trash-king:

when none of ur internet friends are online

timezoned again

clockblocked

FUCK

ramavatarama:

waywardvagabondslilcousin:

a woman has twins and gives them up for adoption

one of them goes to a family in egypt and is named amal the other goes to a family in spain they name him juan

years later juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. upon receiving the picture she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of amal

he responds “theyre twins if youve seen juan youve seen amal”

NOOOOOOOO

coattailsofdoom:

"Abomination? Abomelettenation - geddit?”

"That’s bad, love. Even by my standards. And my standards for puns aren’t high.”

or: the story of how Hawke was banned from the kitchen (and egg-related puns) forever.

Don’t listen to Anders, the pun is beautiful.

ennybunny:

corsmos:

Oh my gods.

Waldo from the Where’s Waldo books

He wears stripes

because he doesn’t want to be spotted.

i’m gonna hit something.

cryonetics:

snorlaxatives:

*sexually strokes wall until finding light switch*

What a turn on.

Anonymous sent: will you draw a horse making a dumb horse pun?

bravelittlecastiel:

angelwithscarsonherwrist:

odair:

funerals are so depressing. i want a parade when i die. cupcakes. airhorns. dancing. maybe even a murder mystery game with me as the person who was murdered. 

you want to put the fun back in funeral

#lets play pin the tail on the corpse

nathanthompson23:

jooliboo:

there are over 500 types of pasta. Wow. the pastabilities are endless

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